Wednesday’s child is filled with woe
I’ve been a mild hypochondriac for as long as I can remember. I think it’s an offshoot of being a bit anxious in general. I’m not really a germaphobe; I’ll touch door handles and shake hands and eat food from street vendors without hesitation. No, my hypochondria manifests in a fear of rare and fatal illnesses. I have an extensive list of maladies tucked away in my memory and am always learning about more.
When I was a kid, my research was fostered by the giant Mayo Clinic Encyclopedia that my parents kept tucked away on a high bookshelf in our living room. I learned about it when my mother, unable to convince me that I wasn’t stricken with something or other (”you do not have polio, M” she would say, somewhere between exasperated and amused) got it down and started reading me a symptoms list. I’d reference it myself, getting it down from the shelf by balancing on the arm of the sofa, and then hiding out in my bedroom.
Now the Internet provides all the information I need to whip myself into a frenzy. More, really, because unlike the Mayo Clinic, the Internet is filled with personal testimonials (and plenty of dubious medical claims) . “Get Off The Internet!” friends and families screech at me whenever I ask them about a weird-little-bruise (for instance).
When I’m not feeling totally freaked out (which is often, it’s not a daily battle but more something that flares up now and then), I know that this is actually rather funny. It was in this spirit that one of my lovely friends presented me with the book The Complete Manual of THINGS THAT MIGHT KILL YOU (capitals theirs). “This is a gag gift, but I thought it might actually help you,” she said as we giggled.
And so I am spending part of this gray, cold day sippng Diet Coke and learning about things like Da Costa’s Syndrome — a non fatal but terribly unplesant anxiety disorder with severe physical symptoms, if you’re wondering.
 | Published on January 7th, 2009 | Posted by merloon |
January 7th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
Ah yes, we all had some such book growing up, “the death book” as it’s often referred to in popular culture. I can’t say I remember the name of mine, I only occasioned it when I genuinely felt absolutely horrible.
I cringe every time I touch someone elses keyboard or mouse - because I’m fairly certain the last time each was cleaned was never.
January 11th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
You have to be very very careful in interpreting little bruises. They could mean you are developing Leukemia, right.
When I was younger I was a hypochondriac too. Once when I was around twelve, I locked myself in a Hotel bathroom, nuts, because I thought I had a menigococcal rash. We were on a vacation in the Northwest and there was a big outbreak around Olympia. I always was sure I was dying. Thinking back now, it was probably just the 3 month family vacation making me sick:)
January 13th, 2009 at 1:19 am
@ Roy: Indeed! Ah, the power of suggestion. I once pulled something similar on a family vacation but I was convinced I had Lyme disease. I agree, must have been an overdose of family time.
I vaguely remember a series of books that were popular when I was in third/fourth grade that were essentially The Babysitter’s Club of teen cancer. The protagonist would get cancer, lose her hair, find a wig, go somewhere just for similarly afflicted kids, have a romance, make a best friend, and then at the end someone would invariably die. The rationale behind this series kind of baffles me in retrospect (”let’s have a series of quasi cathartic fictional books about terminal illness for the pre-pre-teen set!” ) and I’m sure it contributed to my illness anxiety.